I posted some personal insight on my private Facebook page the other day when in an emotional funk and got some feedback from a few people who are also my blog readers. They encouraged me to share more about my own life and what’s happening with it with my blog readers. My very first blog ever was called, “Ponderings of My Predicaments” and I think I’ll start a tag and category here and add to that a little at a time. So I decided to copy that message and paste it here to let you all get to know me a little more and the struggles the Lord is helping me to overcome (as I always say): “One Day at a Time”. And through it all, I am “Still in His Grip” (another of my Helen-isms 🙂 ). The image above is my son Evan on the left and my mom and I on the right. Evan just turned 13 and has autism. He’s the sweetest, most loving and fun little boy on the planet and I adore him. My mom was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago (part of the reason why I moved my family back to my home town, to be closer to her). Her sister, my aunt Edith passed away from it’s sister, Alzheimer’s and my mom had taken care of her towards her last days. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are twin sisters and dementia usually turns into Alzheimer’s. My Facebook post:
“My husband turned on a special on Netflix about Glen Campbell’s struggle with Alzheimer’s earlier. He had watched the first half alone and thought the last half was only about his career. Nope. More about his Alzheimer’s. At first I told him he could go ahead and watch it, I was fine. I was till the end when they played this song… And the lyrics… I realized it was saying at some point his memory would be so bad that he’s not going to miss anyone. He won’t remember them to miss them… And I had a meltdown…
My mom… Her dementia…
It’s so hard to be the mom of a perfect little boy with autism and the daughter of a perfect mother with dementia. It’s very hard on me…
Sometimes the selfish side of me thinks, “This is not fair!!! People who abuse drugs knowing what it will do to them deserve this, my perfect mom and my perfect son do not deserve this?!!” (the sinful side of me thinks that and the Lord softly corrects me…and I feel ashamed).
I don’t talk about it much anymore as I don’t want people to tire of hearing me “share” about my struggles. (I was told that 2 1/2 years ago by some Bible study ladies I loved, so now I tend to not talk about it much outside my family). But you know what? People need to know… People need to care… That’s why Glen Campbell’s family decided to let him have one more tour. For Glen himself, but also because people need to know and they need to care. We need to know our pain matters. We need to know some people have compassion and care. People outside the struggle also need to learn how to be compassionate and minister to those affected. The Bible tells us to “Weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15) and I think this is an area the church as a whole is lacking in. People go to church and just want to put on their sanitary faces reflecting the perfect life none of us really live. Christians should not be “fair weather friends”. We need to be able to be vulnerable with one another and trust each other to be caring.
Altzheimers /Dementia and Autism are beasts from the pit of hell. I’m not going to sugar coat it like so many do. But those we love who are afflicted are secure in God’s hands and we can learn SO MUCH from them; don’t think we can’t! Those of us caring for them need a little extra love now and then.
My mommy and my son teach me unconditional love and patience among so much more, and how to trust God about the whole ordeals (which is a whole other conversation altogether).
My sister is caring for my mom and I’m so thankful for that. I don’t tell her often enough, but thank you sis, and I love you so much…
My mom is as close enough to perfect as any human being can be, and always has been. What a Godly woman who has been nothing but giving and self-sacrificing her entire life. Taking care of everyone before herself and putting up with so so much. One day she may not miss me… But I’m missing her already as I lose her a little bit every day 🙁 (The Glen Campbell video below talks about him not missing people one day and that’s what got me a nervous mess.)
My sweet son Evan is perfect just as he is. God couldn’t have given me a sweeter, more loving and fun child. He’s taught me more than I can ever teach him. My main concern that has me awake worrying often at night is what will happen to Evan if he loses Greg and I… or as Alzheimer’s is inherited and my mom’s sister, my aunt Edie died from it after being afflicted with it for years (my mom cared for her for much of it) and my mom’s cousin Truel died from it last year…and now my mom … I don’t want Evan to lose me a little bit every day like I am his grandma.
So if I “share” from time to time it’s not because I’m seeking attention. It’s because I need to know someone cares and though they may not understand, that they are making an effort to understand. It’s called compassion. And that I fall beneath the weight of the struggles at times and might need a friend to lift me up again… but mostly that I’m asking you desperately to pray for me and mine.
Anyway… Please pray for me as my emotions are a hot mess and I want to go to church tomorrow and sit by my mommy. She turns 80 on Monday. I want us all to be in church together for her especially tomorrow. Thanks….
So there you have it. This post is about me and mine. Not a coupon savings post, not a craft tutorial, not a devotional (though one day I hope it can become the start of a devotional). I’d just like to get to know my readers better and let them get to know me. Wife, sister, friend, Christian, autism mom, alzheimer’s daughter. Trying hard to trust God with the hand he’s given me and remember that this life is not all there is. It’s just a dress rehearsal for eternity. These struggles develop us into the people we need to be for eternity. I so hope to hear one day soon, “Well done My good and faithful servant.” I fail Him every day, but He never fails me. God bless you all if you are still reading this. Off to write the Mindful Monday post! 🙂
Update: The Mindful Monday post goes along well with this.